A year ago I sat in a new doctor’s office with a new outlook, a new drive, and new goals, waiting to get bloodwork drawn to start a new journey.

Eleven months ago, I sat in a doctor’s office waiting to get bloodwork results, hoping to find  a reason for my heartbreak. Three heartbreaks, to be exact.

Ten months ago, I sat in my cubicle at work,waiting for a phone call, to find out if my life was about to change. It was.

Nine months ago, I waited on my front porch in tears, and pain, for my mom to pick me up, to meet my husband at the same doctor’s office where we had just gotten great news from, to find out if it was happening again. It wasn’t. It was going to be okay. Nine months ago I found out that I was about to go on the greatest journey of my life. Two babies! Two healthy babies!

Eight months ago, I was counting the minutes to tell the world our news, the hardest secret I’d ever had to keep. I’d been sweating it out, between the morning sickness, and the anxiety of sharing such personal news, because of the fear of it becoming so real,so public, and so scary. Mother’s Day came, and we shared our news. I was going to be a mom.

Seven months ago, I was counting the days to get to the next “goal” week in my twin pregnancy. Everyday felt like a blessing, and also terrifying, but we got there. We sat in an ultrasound room holding our breath to find out if these babies were boys or girls, or both. Both! A boy, and a girl. Just like that, our family was complete.

Six months ago, my belly popped out and I started to feel these two little angels wiggling around. They were real, they were mine. We picked their names, and held our tongues to try and keep them a secret.

Five months ago, we paced around baby stores, scanning items for our registry, and it hit me. I never knew an aisle of muslin blankets could put me over the top, but it did. They were blankets my babies would be wrapped in come December. They would hold our greatest rewards for our heartbreak.

Four months ago, I spent every evening laying on the couch, hands on my belly, trying to comprehend that these kicks and punches I was feeling could possibly belong to two little babies. Imagining what their faces looked like, what their little personalities would be like. Who would they be?

Three months ago, we found out that our babies would be arriving a little earlier than we planned. It was so surreal. They were actually going to arrive. We spent the final days running around like crazy people to make sure we were prepared. Could we ever be prepared?

Two months ago, our little Landon Oliver and Estelle Grey arrived, healthy and perfect. Beautiful, healthy, and perfect.

One month ago, these little nuggets looked up at me smiled, and for the first time I felt like they knew me as much as I knew them. They were looking for me, like I’d spent the past  year looking for them.

This morning, I fed them at 5:00 a.m., and put them back down for a nap. I spent the next hour pumping milk for their next feeding, and watching them sleep. Watching them breathe, and still after all this time barely believing they’re mine. What a year.

Previously, I was “The Glittered,” and I still am, but now I’m also Landon and Estelle’s mom. Landon and Estelle’s mom who really loves glitter. I hope you enjoy the new journey here on GreyandOliver.com.

 

(photo by Lucid Memories Photography)